Shocking Things You Never Say to a Client in Your Virtual Assistant Business.

Virtual Miss Friday šŸ˜ƒ
Sep 14, 2023

This is so funny... I published this post originally WAYYYYYY back in 2012 when virtual assistance wasn't nearly as mainstream as it is now, and tech was very different. Anyway, I was digging around in my old blog posts and thought I would revive it lol. What would you add to this list in the 2023 version? šŸ¤”

Iā€™m going to cut to the chase. I love ā€œtalking shopā€ about virtual assistance, but I also feel that every now and again, we need to have some fun. So today I am gifting you with 50 of the stupidest things I could ever think of saying to a client, based on the fact that I never see my clients in the flesh and I work totally online. And even if just 1 of these 50 lines of text, (maybe number 50) raises a smile for you, or makes you laugh, then yay!

To any of my clients reading this post, itā€™s just for fun, I promise šŸ˜‚

50 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A CLIENTā€¦

  1. Iā€™m not wearing any clothes, but you canā€™t see that right?

  2. iPhone, ummm yeah, I phone people too, so what?

  3. Could you hold the line, my 1 year old has just been sick all over my keyboard.

  4. I'm great at organising parties and events, how about a cheese and pineapple hedgehog?

  5. Yeah Iā€™m on Facebook, Iā€™ll send you a Farmville request ā€“ letā€™s play!

  6. Yeah Iā€™m on Twitter, do you want to join my mafia family?

  7. Whatā€™s the Internet?

  8. Yeah I am VA, because I can send email.

  9. The Net? Sorry, I donā€™t like fishing.

  10. Not right now, Iā€™m just painting my nails, unless you want me to work and potentially smudge them?

  11. If I turn the webcam on, I can show you my pink fluffy bunny slippers which I bought with your retainer this month.

  12. Yeah Iā€™m drunk, but you canā€™t see that right?

  13. Yeah Iā€™m on LinkedIn, but I canā€™t link with you because I lied to you about my work history.

  14. Iā€™m watching you right nowā€¦.

  15. Whatā€™s a Doc? Oh yeah, you mean the guy from the 7 Dwarfs!

  16. Could you hold the line, the dog is on my lap and my leg is going numb.

  17. Yeah I'm a VA, you mean I live in Virginia right?

  18. Do you know I can work naked and youā€™ll never knowā€¦ Oh! Now you doā€¦

  19. Donā€™t get your knickers in a twist ā€“ yeah dude, I can see them from here.

  20. Could you hold the line, I need to go for a pee.

  21. Do you know I have rainbow coloured hair?

  22. The about photo on my site was taken 45 years ago, but I havenā€™t aged much.

  23. Sure, Iā€™ll Google your nameā€¦ Whatā€™s Google?

  24. Yeah Iā€™m sitting on the toilet now chatting to you from Skype on my iPad ā€“ how cool is that!

  25. SPAM filters, yeah those are okay, I prefer Spam Fritters.

  26. Whatā€™s Skype?

  27. Yeah Iā€™ve been on line, but tightrope walking just wasnā€™t for me.

  28. Deadline? Ohhh is that when someoneā€™s heart stops?

  29. Pinterest, yeah Iā€™m on Pinterest, isnā€™t that ā€˜pinterestingā€™

  30. Is that really you on your profile pic? I thought you sounded way older!

  31. Yep, I am a naturist, work totally nude, feels liberating.

  32. Excuse me my son needs his feed, let me just adjust myself here and Iā€™ll get right back to you.

  33. Sorry canā€™t do webcam, Iā€™m sat here in my dressing gown.

  34. Iā€™m great at time management. I always change the battery in my watch every few months.

  35. You want to post on my wall? What are you a graffiti artist?

  36. You want to reach your market? Well, if I were you Iā€™d the take the bus, because parking is so expensive these days.

  37. Yeah I'm on Pinterest, but those photos should of been taken down. Playboy never paid me for them.

  38. Can I hit your target?  Are you being rude or what?

  39. A Tweet? Are you calling me a bird?

  40. I LOVE working on the Internet, I can play World Of Warcraft while Iā€™m supposed to be processing your customer support.

  41. You need support? Bless you, my granddad had a hernia once too.

  42. Of course Iā€™ve heard of Mashable, but I prefer roast potatoes myself, or maybe French Fries.

  43. Whatā€™s a computer?

  44. Linux? Wasnā€™t she the one from Eurythmics?

  45. Sorry just need to mute myself a minute, Iā€™m currently waxing my legs, and this is going to hurt like hell.

  46. I am SO sorry this is late, I was abducted by aliens.

  47. Am I your most favourite virtual assistant ever? I get very jealous you knowā€¦

  48. I HATE MY LIFE!!! ā€“ sorry, itā€™s that time of the month, what were you saying?

  49. No I donā€™t work on the Web! Spiders really creep me out.

  50. So, you want to know what an algorithm isā€¦ ā€¦ ā€¦ ā€¦ Please leave a message after the beep ā€“ beeeeeeeeep. S**t.