This is so funny... I published this post originally WAYYYYYY back in 2012 when virtual assistance wasn't nearly as mainstream as it is now, and tech was very different. Anyway, I was digging around in my old blog posts and thought I would revive it lol. What would you add to this list in the 2023 version? š¤
Iām going to cut to the chase. I love ātalking shopā about virtual assistance, but I also feel that every now and again, we need to have some fun. So today I am gifting you with 50 of the stupidest things I could ever think of saying to a client, based on the fact that I never see my clients in the flesh and I work totally online. And even if just 1 of these 50 lines of text, (maybe number 50) raises a smile for you, or makes you laugh, then yay!
To any of my clients reading this post, itās just for fun, I promise š
50 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A CLIENTā¦
Iām not wearing any clothes, but you canāt see that right?
iPhone, ummm yeah, I phone people too, so what?
Could you hold the line, my 1 year old has just been sick all over my keyboard.
I'm great at organising parties and events, how about a cheese and pineapple hedgehog?
Yeah Iām on Facebook, Iāll send you a Farmville request ā letās play!
Yeah Iām on Twitter, do you want to join my mafia family?
Whatās the Internet?
Yeah I am VA, because I can send email.
The Net? Sorry, I donāt like fishing.
Not right now, Iām just painting my nails, unless you want me to work and potentially smudge them?
If I turn the webcam on, I can show you my pink fluffy bunny slippers which I bought with your retainer this month.
Yeah Iām drunk, but you canāt see that right?
Yeah Iām on LinkedIn, but I canāt link with you because I lied to you about my work history.
Iām watching you right nowā¦.
Whatās a Doc? Oh yeah, you mean the guy from the 7 Dwarfs!
Could you hold the line, the dog is on my lap and my leg is going numb.
Yeah I'm a VA, you mean I live in Virginia right?
Do you know I can work naked and youāll never knowā¦ Oh! Now you doā¦
Donāt get your knickers in a twist ā yeah dude, I can see them from here.
Could you hold the line, I need to go for a pee.
Do you know I have rainbow coloured hair?
The about photo on my site was taken 45 years ago, but I havenāt aged much.
Sure, Iāll Google your nameā¦ Whatās Google?
Yeah Iām sitting on the toilet now chatting to you from Skype on my iPad ā how cool is that!
SPAM filters, yeah those are okay, I prefer Spam Fritters.
Whatās Skype?
Yeah Iāve been on line, but tightrope walking just wasnāt for me.
Deadline? Ohhh is that when someoneās heart stops?
Pinterest, yeah Iām on Pinterest, isnāt that āpinterestingā
Is that really you on your profile pic? I thought you sounded way older!
Yep, I am a naturist, work totally nude, feels liberating.
Excuse me my son needs his feed, let me just adjust myself here and Iāll get right back to you.
Sorry canāt do webcam, Iām sat here in my dressing gown.
Iām great at time management. I always change the battery in my watch every few months.
You want to post on my wall? What are you a graffiti artist?
You want to reach your market? Well, if I were you Iād the take the bus, because parking is so expensive these days.
Yeah I'm on Pinterest, but those photos should of been taken down. Playboy never paid me for them.
Can I hit your target? Are you being rude or what?
A Tweet? Are you calling me a bird?
I LOVE working on the Internet, I can play World Of Warcraft while Iām supposed to be processing your customer support.
You need support? Bless you, my granddad had a hernia once too.
Of course Iāve heard of Mashable, but I prefer roast potatoes myself, or maybe French Fries.
Whatās a computer?
Linux? Wasnāt she the one from Eurythmics?
Sorry just need to mute myself a minute, Iām currently waxing my legs, and this is going to hurt like hell.
I am SO sorry this is late, I was abducted by aliens.
Am I your most favourite virtual assistant ever? I get very jealous you knowā¦
I HATE MY LIFE!!! ā sorry, itās that time of the month, what were you saying?
No I donāt work on the Web! Spiders really creep me out.
So, you want to know what an algorithm isā¦ ā¦ ā¦ ā¦ Please leave a message after the beep ā beeeeeeeeep. S**t.